Today is June 27th, 2020 and we are in the middle (ish? Who Knows?) of a global pandemic that’s taking lives as well as livelihoods. And there’s an incredibly heated, divisive presidential election coming up. Also people are protesting and in some cases rioting and looting in support of the Black Lives Matter movement. There are a lot of people shouting to make their voices heard and their opinions matter. Our social media algorithms are feeding us our own opinions, resulting in our feeling our own beliefs are the only ones that matter, and anyone else’s beliefs are on the fringes of society or just plain wrong. We are all reeling and sad and scared and angry. It’s a lot.

How’s your mental health?

Wheeeeeew. That’s a loaded question, ins’t it? I’ll be honest; I’ve only been able to focus on putting one foot in front of the other for months. My brain cannot process complex situations or problems; it has seemingly purged all memories that are no longer a part of my daily life, like how to sign up for a yoga class or the names of the ladies in my bible study small group. I’ve cried, a lot. I’ve become resentful and angry toward my children who have relied on me to be their best friend and constant chatter companion in addition to all the other little bits that make up a mother. I’ve struggled with occasional but intense bouts of depression for most of my life, but I coped with prayer, exercise, a healthy diet, a good sleep schedule, and spending time with friends. Suddenly my entire coping system has collapsed and there’s an elephant sitting on my chest and I can’t breathe.

I’m fine. [Insert lighthearted laughter.] No, really. I have a great support system and I’m taking steps to prioritize my mental health (I hired a nanny and she is a GIFT). That elephant is sitting on my chest less and less lately.

So let’s get back to that loaded question: How is YOUR mental health?

Not to get too hippy-dippy, but there is a whole lot of negative energy being cast out into the universe, and we humans are like little sponges for soaking up whatever energy is floating around (fellow empaths I’m looking at you). Those of us who struggle with mental health when the world’s vibe isn’t a dumpster fire are barely keeping it together. About a month into quarantine and distance learning, my husband (God bless this man) asked me one evening, “How’s your mental health?” He had never asked me that before. I answered him honestly. It took a while. The whole time I spoke his eyes were locked with mine and he didn’t crack any of his usual sarcastic jokes. When I was done, he was surprised at how intense and involved my answer was, but I felt so much lighter. I was incredibly grateful to him for asking me that question and for really listening to my answer. I felt so good, I wanted to pass on that feeling to my friends, so I started asking them, “How’s your mental health?” I got some very honest answers. What these girls confided to me was often accompanied by tears or laughter or both. It was real and raw and authentic and beautiful. The scope of what they shared spanned all human emotion.

An, “Are you ok” only gets you so far. A yes or no is too easy. You gotta dig deep and let your loved ones know that you want to hear what they have to say. When you ask someone, “How’s your mental health,” it gives them an opportunity to examine some deep feelings and to feel really cared about, and it gives you an opportunity to serve your loved ones. It’s an opportunity for vulnerability, and Lord knows we all need more of that these days. But there’s an added bonus: you get to have your feelings justified and normalized, if you’re the sort of person who cares about that. I am that sort of person. For me, one of the worst aspects of depression is feeling like I am utterly alone in what I’m going through. So it’s like a soothing balm for my soul when a friend tells me she, too, has been on the floor wondering if she will ever have the energy and will to get up.

How IS your mental health?

Ask yourself. Ask your friends. Ask your husband to ask you (they’re not mind readers, ladies). But be prepared. Be prepared for an outpouring of emotion. Be prepared for connection. Be prepared for immense gratitude. Be prepared for a hug. Be prepared to open up a whole conversation you never knew you needed to have. Be prepared for tears and laughter and healing. And then be prepared for an elusive, unfamiliar feeling deep in your belly, spreading outward and lifting you up: Peace. These 5 little words are everything we need right now.

So tell me, how is your mental health?